Funny-Bone.com

2 – OUR DAILY BREAD

         I am an artist, a photographer, a gelato maker and a baker. I love baking. I am a foodie!  Since I love food and baking, I thought it would be a great fit to be a baker in a supermarket. I love the smell of fresh bread and creating something delicious for customers. A win-win, yes?

         I thought I would wear a tall baker’s hat and uniform with my name on it, looking like a sharp professional. Then reality set in.  No baking hat or baking uniform. Instead, a hairnet and a plastic apron which you throw into the trash when you take a break. It was a cruel awakening!

         There’s nothing gourmet about this job. Everything is by the numbers, one task after another. You are constantly on the run. My responsibilities are very busy for one person.  

         When you go in or out of the freezer room, you wear a jacket. All of our products - our breads, pastries, etc., are deep-frozen and have to be baked in-store. Unfortunately, our freezer has a temperature of minus 11 degrees Fahrenheit! That’s -24° C!  That’s insanely cold, in my opinion.  

         During my training session, I walked into the freezer while the store manager gave me a walk-through of what we keep in the freezer. I walked in and had to walk out immediately! I couldn’t take the cold! The next day, I tried it again, wearing a ski hood unzipped from my Austrian ski jacket saved from the good all days.  So now I wear a jacket with my ski hat, gloves, plastic apron, hairnet, face mask (COVID-19 again), and glasses which fog completely. I look like the Pillsbury Dough Boy, not a head baker! 

         One of my colleagues is from Jamaica and she always wears big, pretty eyelashes. She's funny and definitely has a great sense of humor. She told me, “It's impossible! My eyelashes always freeze to my glasses, making my eyes get stuck open! I look like a frog, not a movie star!”

         Well, it’s a job and during COVID-19, we must do what we must do! I’m grateful, after all. 

         A couple of months later, the store manager decided it would be a better fit for me to work at the self-checkout line. It wouldn’t be as stressful, and I wouldn’t have to deal with the freezer issue. I gladly agreed and regrouped, soon to become the new head of the self-checkout!

         Now…Part Two:

         We call Ms. Linda, “The Singing Baker.” I think I mentioned earlier that we have an eclectic group of people from all walks of life. Linda is a retired Pan Am flight attendant. She also worked at the Culinary Institute in New York City and had her own catering company, as well. COVID-19 brought her to the supermarket, like many of us, when our businesses collapsed. 

         Each time I go into the bakery to say “Hello” to our baker, Linda, she is humming a tune or singing. She is a happy spirit and is always smiling. One day I asked, “Linda, what is your secret?  When you are on the baking shift, the bread, the pretzels, the pastries all taste so much better than when someone else bakes.”

         She replied, “I don’t know what you're talking about…?”

         I said, “I’ve watched you and I think I’ve figured it out. You have a secret ingredient!”

         “Huh? What?” she asked.  

         “I figured it out and you have a secret ingredient! It’s love, right?”

         She burst out laughing and retorted, “Get out of here! I have to work, you crazy nut!” She laughed as she shook her head.

         I walked out of the bakery as a new customer approached and asked about our German sourdough bread. “Is it really good, like people say?”

         I responded, “It's our best seller. We have the best baker in town who has the original recipe and the secret ingredient to make the bread authentic and delicious.” 

         Then I introduced the customer to Linda. “Here’s our famous, singing baker with her secret ingredient, which is Love!  She bakes with love!” The customer and Linda both giggled and shook their heads.

         The customer said, “Okay, I'm taking three of these wonderful, German sourdough breads. You convinced me!”

         “You won't regret it! Enjoy!” I replied. 

         Then a song popped into my head: Love is in the Air, by John Paul Young.  Always loved that song.

         Godspeed,

         Robert K.